That's what I said. The skinny girl in me is fighting so hard to come out.
I am constantly surrounded by skinny people. The ballpark, the store, fast food places, the mall and even David's Bridal. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of meaty people at those places too, but I only seem to notice the skinny ones. It's almost irritating. Whenever I see or are around skinny people, it just reminds me of what I am not. Being around overweight people isn't so bad because there will always be someone who is more hefty than me so in turn that makes me feel a little bit better about myself because I can say "thank goodness I am not as big as
that person." I know, that's not nice to say but it's the truth. Who doesn't think that way too? If you don't than you are lying.
Something else that I find irritating......which I shouldn't , but do is when I hear skinny people gripe and complain that they need to lose weight. Seriously??? Ooooohhhh so you had one too many fiber one bars or an extra cookie. Big deal! You'll probably burn that off just walking back to your chair or as in a fiber one bar.......flatulate those extra calories out. LOL! If you don't know what I'm talking about, grab you a few of those yummy bars and you'll know exactly what I mean. Anyway, I understand that skinny people want to stay skinny and I guess if they feel a little off by an extra pound or two, then that makes them physically feel bad or "fat", but try having an extra 80lbs on you and trying to walk away from that extra cookie. It's very hard to do. One more won't hurt right??? Especially if you are addicted to sweets. *Ahem*....not saying I am or anything........
Ok, enough with my complaining about skinny people. They really have it so easy and just don't know it.
I am happy to report that I am back on the wagon. In total, I have gained back about 5 of the 15 I lost. I absolutely hate how I worked so hard to get those off and in turn gained them back sooo quickly. DARN YOU FOOD! If I didn't have to have it to survive, I might just skip it altogether. BUT, I have already lost a few of those pounds that I gained back. I have really been watching what I eat and have been on the treadmill. I am determined. To be totally honest, this roller coaster ride is no fun. I hate scrutinizing what I put in my mouth (even though I have indulged in a small Baby Ruth or cookie from time to time) every time I eat, but that is what is essential for me to do. I must do this and do it literally minute by minute.
I sort of feel like a smoker in the sense that they are used to the habit of holding a cigarette up to their mouth and participating in the act of smoking. For me, it's the constant need to have something in my mouth. It's hard to explain but just like when you open a can of DDP or whatever carbonated drink you like and you take that first initial sip and the burn hits your mouth. I love that! Or the crunchiness of a few RF Pringles crunching in your mouth. That's what I crave. I keep gum on hand just for that reason. For the feeling of needing something in my mouth all the time. I know I have issues. ;)
I had my daughter take a picture of myself the other day in my workout clothes. Wow. I was so disgusted. See, I really don't see myself the way I must look to others. I blame the mirror in my bathroom. When I look at myself in that mirror, I see someone who needs to lose weight but it's not an extreme amount. But when I see myself in a department store mirror, I really am shocked because I think those mirrors really do show you how you look. I don't know if it's the lighting or something about the mirror, but I always get depressed when trying on clothes at a store because then, I am hit with the reality of how overweight I really am. I see the scale and know it too, but my eyes don't see what you all see.
Well, I'm back to trying to get the skinny girl out. We will see. It will be a day by day process, but I am going to really try again.
If you are still reading this blog and haven't given up on me totally, please say a prayer for me. I would really, really, really appreciate it. Thank you.
Loves!!
